Have A Friend
(A Swiftian Proposal)
(aka The Guppy Song)

Words and Music by James Durst 
© 1972, 1973 PhoeniXongs ASCAP
The population problem could be your cup of tea
Although it runneth over, you can do more than let it be
Instead of feeling helpless in the struggle to survive
There’s a way to do your part and keep your family alive

Have a friend for dinner; it should be lots of fun
It doesn’t matter if he’s tough as long as he’s well done
Have a friend for dinner, and make him close his eyes
He’ll be the life of the party when it comes as a surprise

Have a friend for dinner; choose him for his taste
Invite your gourmet friends to come to make sure there’s no waste
Have a friend for dinner and serve him up a feast
Just make sure to save the dog the parts you like the least

Have you tried the seasoned actor or the half-baked politician?
There’s nothing like peasant under glass for down-to-earth nutrition
So start the celebration and gorge until you burst
And have that friend for dinner before...
...he has you first


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